Unconditional Love

Most women have 40 weeks to get used to the idea of being a mom. We all love our child long before they're born and want what's best for them. When that moment finally comes and we get to see the face of the person who's changed our bodies from the inside out, everything changes. Most would just assume that you're only becoming a mother. But its so much more than that. What you want and what you need comes second to that child. If they're happy and healthy that's all that matters. It's humbling to know that little person depended on you for life for nine months and will continue to do so for some time. Everything you do from then on will revolve around that child. No one understands unconditional love like a mother does.

Perhaps a woman who makes it to full term will feel a sense of accomplishment, I will never know. I never expected my son to be premature. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened. No amount of time or number of stories could have calmed my nerves or made me understand what it means to be the mother of a preemie. Seeing your child dependent on machines and outside help for survival hurts in a way so severe, your broken heart becomes a physical pain.

You aren't just worried about their health in the moment, you find yourself looking years ahead at all the potential dangers to your child. Simple everyday sicknesses turned deadly just because they came before they were ready, development issues...

And yet, with every small step forward you find yourself filled with pride. You push the what ifs to the back of your mind and try and ignore the guilt. The guilt that it was your body that failed, that even though there was nothing you could do to prevent it, it's your fault your child is hooked up to wires and unable to go home with you.

But they're alive. And each morning is the beginning of a long fight, each night, the completion of another day they beat the odds. Even though you can't snuggle them when you want to or comfort them each time they cry, that little piece of hope in your heart reminds you it's not your fault and they're where they need to be to have the best possible life in the future.